Thoughts On J-Lo's Junk

One of the greatest joys in life is getting to stand in a long line at the grocery store. I know most people wouldn't agree that a long line at the store is a joy, but the reason it is for me is because I get to look at all the trashy celebrity gossip for free. Actually, it usually costs me the price of a People Magazine, but I'm too good and righteous to buy the others like Star and The Enquirer ;-) I do look forward to their issues that feature plastic surgery disasters and cellulite of the stars though. Those issues, which are always very dog eared by the way, never fail to put a smile on my face and give me a little self-esteem boost. So of course I was thrilled to see the cover of Star tonight (pictured above) with the headline, 46 Best & Worst Beach Bodies!, especially since we're going to the beach tomorrow.

Boy was I disappointed! First were the best, which I quickly thumbed through trying to get to the worst, because frankly, I don't care about the best. Finally, I found them, but I didn't realize it at first, because they didn't actually look all that bad. Just normal really - the women anyway. Geez! J-Lo's junk in the trunk after twins, which is pretty good looking if you ask me, is all they could come up with? And Katie Holmes (I think it was her), in a totally relaxed slouched over position with a little kangaroo-ish mama pouch? Puuulease!!!! I didn't feel smug and satisfied in the least when I put that magazine down. Oh that the junk in my trunk looked half as bad as J-Lo's!

Note: The J-Lo mentioned above, of Puff Daddy, Ben Affleck, Marc Anthony and The Block fame, is of course not to be confused with the lovely J-Lo, of the Louisianan to Standard American English Translation Dictionary fame, who sometimes posts comments here.

Back to School For Ella And A Slide Show

We have an 8th grader now *huge gasp*. Ella started school on Monday :( Above is the requisite first day of school picture. Eva and Sophie go back after Labor day :( :(

Contrary to the impression I gave of myself zombified in front of the television, obsessed and crazed watching Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt 23/7, and then spending the 24th hour blogging about it, I didn't actually ignore my children every moment of the two week long Olympic Games (although I did, and still do, ignore the laundry). Somehow I gathered the strength and manage to peel myself away from the action and go have some fun with them a few times. And while Michael Phelps was conquering the world in Beijing at The Water Cube, we had some swimming victories of our own. First, after being able to swim unassisted in deep water for 4 years now, Eva can finally swim and jump in without plugging her nose! And second, Sophie learned to swim unassisted, floaty free, in the deep end!!!!! She learned how to dive before she could do that. Allow me to congratulate myself for this milestone in motherhood - congratulations!

Here's a bigmegahugeginormous slide show of some water fun we had the second half of August. Probably only my mother and sister will care to make it through the entire thing though. Why so many pictures? Because I can :)

Cherie Dawn Hamrick

1948 - 2005

Today we are thinking of Matt's mother. It would have been her 60th birthday. We miss her!

1984

My love for the Olympics is obvious. It dates all the way back to 1976 and Nadia Comaneci. She was all the rage after scoring the first ever perfect 10 in gymnastics, and Janene and I had the 45 of 'Nadia's Theme' which we played on our red and white gingham print portable turntable. I don't have a specific memory of watching Nadia get the first perfect ten, but I do remember sitting in front of our black & white television with the Olympics on. Bruce Jenner was huge too. That's about all I remember from those Summer Olympics though, I was only seven after all.

Then of course we boycotted the 1980 Summer Games, which took place in the Evil Empire (that was the USSR for all you youngins), but I do remember the Miracle On Ice during the Winter Olympics of that year. Unfortunately, a victory like the Miracle On Ice isn't possible anymore because one, the Evil Empire no longer exists, and two, we send professionals to do the job now. Too bad - about sending professionals I mean. But it would be nice to have the Evil Empire around just for that rivalry in the Olympics, because it made the victories that much sweeter. But I guess we China now. They use the same system the Soviets did, of ripping children away from their families and training them 24/7 to win gold for the glory of the motherland. But I digress. Nadia Comaneci, Bruce Jenner and the Miracle On Ice are my earliest Olympic memories.

The 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles was when I really fell in love though. My mother was swept up in all the excitement, and took us all over Los Angeles to events and Olympic pin exchanges. It's difficult to explain how exciting it was to have the Olympics in town. All of Southern California was abuzz with Olympic fever. I was 15, and that was also the year we housed two Austrian Olympic athletes who competed in yachting. Their names were Manfred and Rudi, and they were totally HOT (like totally - like)! Okay, so we didn't exactly 'house' them, but they did stay over night in the RV that was parked on our front lawn that belonged to some family friends that my step dad was supposed to fix. And I guess we didn't actually 'house' them during the Olympics either, but after the Games were over and they had returned from a road trip to Mexico and the Grand Canyon, but still - they did stay in our friend's RV that was on our front lawn, and they were totally HOT - and that's pretty dang exciting for a 15 year old girl!!!!!

Manfred, Me, Rudi

So, this is how it happened that two Austrian Olympic yachting athletes stayed in our friends RV that was parked on our lawn that my step-dad was supposed to fix (which he never did - it was finally junked 3 years ago), and how I got to spend an evening at the beach with them. Well my sister's very best friend was an interpreter for the Austrian athletes at the opening and closing ceremonies. She was probably involved in other stuff too, but I don't remember. Anyway, she became friendly with said Austrian yachting athletes and they came back to Hawthorne after their road trip to visit her. She and my sister were both 18 (my sister being legal by only a week or two), but I don't know how old Manfred and Rudi were. I'm guessing early twenties though. Well somehow, it was arranged that they would stay on our lawn, it might have even been for more than on night. I remember they came to our house after spending the day at the beach, and had their Speedos hanging on the antenna of the rental car to dry. Yes, they actually drove around with Speedos hanging off their car. How fun is that? My sister's friend had a party that night with some of their friends, and I was invited!!! Can you believe that?! How nice of my sister was that, to invite her 15 year old tag along bratty sister to hang with the hottie Olympic Austrians? Well they were so charming! They made all kinds of wonderful mistakes with their English that made them even more appealing and intriguing. Manfred tried to get me to practice my German with him, because I had taken it my freshman year, but I think I could only count to ten and say hello. The attention was flattering though, and I was all starry eyed for them. Actually, I had invited a boy I liked (we went back and forth liking each other a lot) who was really tall and cute, and one of my sister's friends who was 18 or 19, was infatuated with him and was taking pictures of him all night, but he didn't pay any attention to her. So all around, the evening was quite a triumphant one :) After having a little get together at my sister's friend's house for a couple hours, we went down to the beach, El Porto I believe, and sat in the dark on the beach talking and laughing for a long time. Manfred actually sent me a postcard when he got home, but I never did write him back. He wanted me to write to him in German so I could practice - I don't even like to write now :D But I still have his postcard, and every few years when I go through my old stuff, I see it :)

So, that is why the 1984 Summer Olympic Games are my favorite of all Olympics!!! And if you actually made it this far and read this entire post, you're invited over in two years for the Winter Olympics to watch ice skating!

Special Dedication

This is a special dedication going out to Harlene and Gramma Karen (she's not my gramma btw, or my children's, but is a gramma to some other cute kids). Here are links for your favorite Olympic sports. You can watch videos, slide shows, and read about all the action to your heart's content :)

http://www.nbcolympics.com/synchronizedswimming/index.html

http://www.nbcolympics.com/rhythmicgymnastics/index.html

I just saw the end of the synchronized swimming team competition. I bummed I missed it, because they said that a Japanese swimmer hyperventilated during their team routine and had to be taken out on a stretcher (but she's okay). Now that's high drama!

Gravity Lessons, Wile E. Coyote Style

Well the Chi-coms couldn't quite control the weather and smog as planned (yes, the Chinese actually hoped to control the weather during the Olympics). They forgot that cameras would take shots of vast amounts of empty seats (not sold, as to avoid the gathering of too many of the wrong kind of people in one place). They didn't realize people in Beijing watching the brilliant fire works display on their televisions of the opening ceremonies could look outside and see that half of it wasn't actually happening because it was computerized. They also forgot to actually find real ethnic children to dress up in their respective ethnic clothing to hand the Chinese flag to their goose stepping soldiers, and to silence the unattractive little girl with the beautiful voice who was supposed to sing in the opening ceremonies, but had to lipsync for a better looking girl with nice teeth who couldn't sing, whom she was pushed aside for, and who received all the accolades and admiration of her countrymen. And now, they can't control the free western press from discovering the ages of their underaged gymnasts. That's because they also forgot that the internet has no restrictions in the free western world. The Chi-coms remind me of one of my grandfather's favorite cartoon characters

Weather control article:

http://www.usatoday.com/weather/research/2008-02-29-china-weather_N.htm

Usain, You're Insane Pt. 2

19.30 (revised time)

And don't you just love that he wears those loose fitting shirts with obvious wind drag?!

The Agony Of Defeat

Her classy, non-whiny, and honest interview after the race made me feel even worse for Lolo Jones.

I don't remember ever seeing someone in the lead run out of gas faster than Sanya Richrds did in the 200 meter last night. It was as if someone had attached weights to her rear end after the turn.

I love Nastia Luikin in action! She's like an elegant ballerina doing flips and dangerous tricks, but between the action, she needs to work on those snobby facial expressions. I know it's concentration, but I can't stand looking at her anymore when she's not performing or on the winners stand. But now I won't have to because the gymnastics are FINALLY over!!! Is it just me, or did NBC really milk it for all it's worth? And now that it's over, I won't have to hear from John Tesh again about how Shawn Johnson's coach grew up in Beijing, moved to Texas, opened a gymnastics business, and just two months later, little six year old Shawn Johnson showed up at his gym. That was only ten years ago ya know, and now it's all come full circle, and here he is back in Beijing with his Olympic athlete, and now gold medal winner. I won't have to hear that story again, thank goodness.

But yay for Shawn Johnson

I thought Jonathan Horton's high bar routine was much more thrilling to watch than the gold medalist's, but I didn't like his attitude again when he spoke to the camera afterwards, so I don't mind that he got silver.

Last night they said Michael Johnson said that he doesn't think Usain will break his record, which is 19.32. He thinks he'll run it around 19.50. Why do people say things like that? Didn't he learn anything from the Michael Phelps nay sayers?

Usain, You're Insane!

Okay, I'm doing some catching up on track & field. I did see Usain Bolt in the 100 meter, which was INSANE, but not until the next day. I had to go do my grocery shopping Saturday night after Michael Phelps because we were poolside at my sister's all day. Anyway, now I just watched the ladies 100 meter. Wow! Jamaica! I loved Usain and the women's winner (can't remember her name). So joyful at winning without the cockiness. Well, some might say Usain was somewhat cocky for celebrating before he even reached the finish line, but I liked what he said said in his post race interview when asked by how much more he could have broken the world record had he not pulled up at the end. He said he didn't care about that, he was just happy he won, and then said about ten more times in answer to every question. He was just happy mon (in my best faux Jamaican accent)! I find him charming when he does his lighting bolt arms. And then I loved the women's winner as well, and her complete joy at winning :)

Can't wait for the men's 200 meter final! Will Usain Bolt break Michael Johnson's INCREDIBLE world record? It seems impossible looking back at his win in 1996.

Some say Usain can do it, others say not. We shall see. Usain wears golden shoes too...

Outrage

I seem to have gotten over my early onset Olympic withdrawal easily enough, but now I'm ticked off!!! Can you believe that you can land out of bounds on both vaults, even once with both feet, and still win the gold over someone whose vaults were nearly perfect? I am outraged!!! Outraged I tell you, as I sit here eating bonbons. Now this is worth whining about!!!!! And it was the 33 year old who was robbed, no less. I am livid!!!

And then, to make matters worse, Alicia Sacramone, who fell off the balance beam in the team competition, also did two beautiful vaults, but lost out on the bronze to a Chinese girl who landed on her knees! I don't care about what the start value is, if you land out of bounds or on your freakin' knees, then you should have gone with a lower start value! And by the way, can they PUUULEASE do away with this newer scoring system, and bring back the perfect 10?!

*scream*

But, on a happier note, the old ladies are gettin' it DONE! First, the 38 year old Romanian marathon runner. Not only is she the oldest ever women's Olympic marathon winner, she blew the competition away, and then proceeded to do about 100 victory laps. Then, Dara Torres, 41, in the pool losing the gold by only .o1 seconds, and 30 minutes later anchoring the the women's relay team to another silver medal. And tonight, 33 year old Oksana Chusovitina winning the silver medal (should have been gold) on the vault. WOW!!! I don't even care that she looked like she had just stepped off the Starship Enterprise in that horrid leotard she had on - she can rock whatever leotard she wants doing Olympic gymnastics at 33, and being a mother too!!!!!

Rest Of Olympics Ruined For Me

Michael Phelps may have ruined the rest of the Olympics for me. I'm feeling early onset Olympic withdrawal symptoms tonight. I'm so sad the Michael Phelps swimming EPIC is over!!!!! What a privilege it was to witness! You can't even write stuff like what happened this last week. No one would believe it - by less than a fingertip, a fingernail really! I will press forward however, continuing to ignore the laundry, the kids, watching others burn unfathomable amounts of calories while eating bonbons, staying up way past my already way too late bedtime, and try to enjoy the rest of the games as best I can ;-)

Well okay, that's not actually much different than what usually goes on here, but still...

Michael Phelps By A Fingertip For No. 7

Does it get any better than that? Heck NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Is How Lame Golfers Are

So I am in awe of how gymnasts can block out their surroundings while literally risking their lives for their sport. Especially the ladies, who sometimes have music going in the background for someone else's floor exercise, and lots of other distracting stuff too. This video is a good example of the mayhem that goes on in the arena while the ladies are on the balance beam. The balance beam is so scary to watch, imo. It's all scary, but the balance beam routines actually make me hold my breath.

Then there's this from the world of golf:

Woods: Shutter snap at No. 9 halted momentum ESPN.com news services

Updated: March 27, 2008, 3:45 PM ET

Tiger Woods Explains His Actions at DoralTiger Woods is growing more frustrated with photographers snapping pictures of him during his swing.

In an interview on "ESPN First Take" on Wednesday, Woods addressed an incident at last week's WGC-CA Championship at Doral, Fla., when he reacted to the click of a camera in his backswing with an obscenity-laced threat.

Woods' intense competitive streak is well-known, and he's also been known to curse when his results don't meet his high expectations. But on Sunday, in a threat punctuated with profanity, he threatened bodily harm to the next photographer who snaps during his swing.

"It's been frustrating because that's what been happening lately," Woods told "ESPN First Take." "It's one of the things that comes with playing in the last group, one of the distractions we have to deal with."

What's more, Woods said, the distractions have affected his play. "Each time it's happened, well three out of four times, I made bogey," Woods said. "At the time I needed to make birdie, I flinched on it. [The photographer] got me in transition on my downswing.

"You have no idea what's been said on the golf course all the time, in any sport really," Woods added. "It was the heat of the moment. That one shot took the momentum that I had built on No. 8."

Um, hello Tiger Woods. Check these out.

In fact, I'm going to bring some of these for the Hamrick guys if I ever go golfing again (haven't been in a while). They have the same problem Tiger does. Golfers need to take a lesson from lady gymnasts! They do block out crying babies in the middle of the night really well though ;-)

Worth Staying Up For

More on this later...

p.s. but why doesn't NBC play their freaking 'LIVE' 3 hour delayed broadcast a little earlier for us on the west coast? I really really really need my beauty sleep these days.

Lamenting Fastskin Swimwear

When you start thinking swimmers are lame for not breaking the world record, it's an indication that something strange has happened. Fastskin seems to be the culprit (or the Chi-coms have rigged the pool, which I haven't ruled out - I'm in touch with my inner conspiracy theorist). As wonderful as technology is, I feel that some of the specialness and excitement has been taken out of Olympic swimming this year by these new super high tech swimsuits. Breaking a world record is so common place and routine in these games, and sometimes by such a huge margin as shown by the green line, that I no longer feel that lump in my throat Olympic thrill for the athletes breaking them. I have teared up many at time at the breaking of a world record, but last night it was just like watching any ol' ordinary race. I don't feel like it's the swimmers who are breaking the records, so much as the great designers at Speedo. On Speedo's Fastskin website it says:

Designed to help swimmers blow the competition out of the water! FASTSKIN FSII ® increases speed by reducing passive drag by up to 4%.

Well if every swimmer is wearing one, what's the point? I'd like them to get rid of them and make record breaking uncommon and special again.

So, the new fab swimwear has ruined the world record aspect of Olympic swimming this year for me, but it does nothing to diminish Michael Phelps' dominance in my eyes! He is a swimming god. The placing would be the same without the Fastskins, just a little slower all around.

Hmmmm, the gymnastics for both the men and women have been a little weird for me this year. The women's team competition two nights ago was excruciating to watch from the moment that one chick fell off the balance beam. I don't feel like looking up her name, you know who I'm talking about. Shawn Johnson followed her with a great beam routine, but that was about it for our women. They were all falling all over the place on their floor exercises. That was painful, but then they whined the next day about this and that, making excuses when they had clearly been beaten by the Chinese. I hope they can redeem themselves tonight, and at least not whine if they do poorly again. Yes, I know they got the silver, but they ended on a very bad note.

So although my Olympic fever is slightly down at the moment, I feel it will come back pretty strong in about 3 hours :)

Oh, and I'm pulling for the 33 year old gymnast on the German women's team. Hope she wins a medal! But she could seriously use a bow in her hair, or something.

Future Olympians In Training

My niece Jamie is an excellent diving coach, and she's only five! I think she has a future in coaching, and Sophie may someday become a champion diver under her tutelage. This is Diving 101 - With Jamie and Sophie

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Here's a look back at the greatest diver ever, Greg Louganis. And the 1984 Summer Olympics were my favorite.

Fever

My Olympic fever is about 104 degrees right now. I'm gonna go up to 105 when Michael Phelps breaks the record for the most medals ever, and then I'll go up to 106 when he breaks Mark Spitz's record of seven golds in Munich.

Happy Birthday To My BFF Janene

My bff also happens to be my sister :) Why do I love her so much? Because we just laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh!!! This is Janene last week (below) telling me about an episode of Friends. She loves that show! She could hardly finish explaining a scene in which one of the guys was wearing some leather pants while out on a date, and got too hot in them, so he went into the bathroom and peeled them off to cool down. Then he couldn't get them back on because he was all sweaty. So he called one of the other friends for help, and the other friend told him to put some powder on his legs. Well the powder made a paste with his sweat, and at that point, my sister couldn't breath :D We have fun no matter what we're doing!

Happy Birthday!!! Love ya :)

***************************************************

How wonderful is it that our guys SMASHED the French in the men's 4 x 100 freestyle relay!!!!! Jason Lezak taking over the lead literally on the last stroke, was a thing of beauty!

You'd think the French would know by now not to be ge'in all up in our grillz wid they trash talk :)

Six Random Facts About Me

I've been tagged by Harlene, and I'm supposed to give 6 random facts about myself. The really juicy random facts are being saved for my memoirs, so here is some less fascinating info about me ;-) Danila tagged me a while back too, and I meant to dig out a picture of myself from 20 years ago, but haven't yet. And Jenn Gordon tagged me last week, and I'm supposed to post a picture of my closet 'as is'. Hmmmm, I don't think so. I have to think of something else for that one :) Anyway, here are my random facts - and I tag anyone who reads this. I'll start out with one that will either make Harlene super happy, or super jealous.

1. Keith Urban gave the best concert I've ever been to - and I wasn't even there to see him on purpose. I took the girls to see Carrie Underwood and he happened to be on the same ticket. I wasn't completely oblivious to him before that however. I already liked several of his songs, and even bought his last album and wore out 'Stupid Boy'. But his live show and its effect on me were a complete surprise. I was in a Keith Urban haze for days!!! I took me about a week to come back to reality. If he ever hits the crack pipe again, I'm blaming it on Nicole Kidman. I don't care either way about her - I don't like or dislike her, she's just there. But if she ever lets him near a pipe again, I'll track her down her and damage her porcelain skin.

2. I've never had a manicure or a pedicure *gasp* - This is true. For one thing, I don't like wearing my fingernails long because I break them all the time. And when they're painted, they get all chipped up immediately, and then they have to be fixed. This is way too high maintenance for me. Plus, I don't see the sense in spending money on that stuff, when I could be spending it on books or music instead. I do paint my toe nails during the summer months though, but this year I haven't at all due to a freak toe accident in which my big toenail was completely ripped off. It's still growing back, but it's more noticeable if it's the only toe not painted. Below is my naked toe after said freak accident.

3. I can't sleep without these -humans were meant to sleep in the dark. I wake up everyday at the break of dawn with the slightest change of light. That's when I put my blinders on. I don't actually need the ear plugs if Matt isn't in bed with me snoring in my ear. But that's not very often.

4. I'm not from Susanville - I'm always surprised when people tell me they thought that's where I grew up. No people. No. I was born and raised in Hawthorne, California (not to be confused with Hawthorne, Nevada) and lived there until I was 18. I moved to Chico, California in 1987 with my mother, and then lived in Susanville for only eight months in 1991 where she had taken a teaching job. She still lives there - hence the confusion about where I'm from.

5. I have ADD - so says the illustrious and renown College of the Redwoods. I'd forgotten about this until recently, I'm not joking. I went a good 14 years or so without ever thinking about it. I was officially diagnosed by professionals back in 1993. I went to them in order to find out what was wrong with my brain, because I'm telling you, there's definitely something wrong with it (Matt would agree a little too much). The end result of several hours of testing and interviews over several days, was that they told me I had ADD, and qualified as a disabled student at the College of the Redwoods, which gave me access to free disabled student transportation services - I didn't take advantage of these services however. I can get around just fine, I just get distracted along the way. Anywho, I was lamenting to Jennifer Gordon a few weeks ago when she was in town, about my complete lack of organizational skills and about how my piles around the house and garage had reached critical mass. She is the yin to my yang in this respect, and actually owns a business in which she goes to the homes of lame people like me, who are incapable of not letting their homes descend into to utter chaos, and she cleans and organizes their lives for them. She told me about her clients having ADD, which reminded me of my own forgotten ADD. She described many 'normal' people just like me. Wow! I felt so much better about myself, like my brain isn't my fault, and I vowed to myself, to use my ADD diagnosis as the scapegoat for all my failings (and there are so many), but I keep forgetting. So, now that I'm blogging it, maybe I'll remember to throw it out there every once in a while. I'm going to start saying stuff like, "oh, sorry. I didn't get that done because of my ADD", or "sorry I missed that appointment, that's my ADD manifesting itself again. I can't help it." Just be prepared!

6. I can't type - it's true that I've typed this post and everything else on this blog, but I've done with my own advanced form of chicken pecking, never looking up from the keyboard. All the counselors in high school said we should take typing, so I didn't. And now I'm paying for it.

bonus fact:

7. Apparently I like to talk about myself

Chinese Cheerleaders

The Chinese athletes are finally making their way into 'The Bird's Nest'. Those poor Chinese cheerleaders (in white with red belts above) haven't stopped flailing their arms and moving their feet for about 90 minutes, and now they've picked up the pace again. But at least their feet aren't bound.

I found myself mesmerized against my will watching the opening ceremonies. The goose-stepping soldiers taking the Chinese flag from the 52 children beautifully dressed in their representative ethic clothing was disturbing. And the military precision of 2,008 drummers looking like Mao in silver, was somewhat reminiscent of the rallies in Nuremberg. But I have to say, the Chinese put on quite a magnificent show that I enjoyed, and I didn't think I would. I hope the rest of the Olympics go as smoothly and that my feelings of impending Chinese Olympic doom will have been completely false.

Best Book Review Ever

I can't agree with it more, and I haven't even read the book yet. Now that's a good review! I only wish that I'd written it myself. It kind of actually makes me eager to get on with my reading - haven't started it yet.

The review comes from a member at goodreads.com

James's review rating: bookshelves: modern-fantasy

It turns out we don't need Dr. John Gray to tell us that men are from Transylvania and women are from Venus. We just need to read Stephenie Meyer books. For example, from this book we learn that the millions of women who have wolfed down the Twilight series (pun intended) want men who:

1. Talk about their feelings. Either Meyer's husband is the single-most communicative male on the planet and she doesn't realize how unusual he is, or she, like most of her female readers, is using her fiction to imagine a world where men not only have deep emotions but want to admit to having them and talk about them over and over, articulating even the most subtle of their internal dramas.

2. Make them flutter. But just being a sensitive new-age kind of guy doesn't cut it. A man has to be hard-bodied, chiseled, dashing, and have eyes that pierce the soul, if not the skin (even as they never look at your chest). This book suggests that a real man makes you constantly stumble over your words, bite your lip to refrain from exclaiming adulations, and lose yourself in the sweet smell of his breath.

3. Are fiercely devoted. That a girl of no spectacular beauty, who lacks any trace of conversation skills -- whose only virtue is that she smells really yummy -- can inspire an immortal creature of godlike power and grace to alter his entire existence to serve and protect her, watching over her by night (more on that in #4). This is a woman's ultimate fantasy -- to have the perfect man, perfectly devoted, for no good reason at all.

4. Want them so bad that they won't take them. This, alas, is the most transparent aspect of this book's appeal. It speaks volumes about the differences between men and women to have so many women toss their bodice-ripping romances aside in order to read how a feral man with otherworldly physical desires can contain his passion and lust out of his pure and perfect love for his beloved. It says that women really do wish they could have it both ways, to be an object of lust and devotion at once, to fulfill a man's desire without actually slaking his thirst for her. To have a man watch you sleep and not want to have even a little peek under the covers -- now that's hot fantasy for today's woman who is otherwise told on a regular basis that to be her best self she has to enage in casual and risky sexual behavior.

To see just what an indulgent fantasy this book is, just imagine the male-centric version of Twilight, in which a troubled teen boy moves to a small town to find the hottest girl in town is a vampiress. Such a book would be about 100 pages long (all the unnecessary internal dialogue would be removed). No one would talk except to comment on the awesome size of, um, one's videogame library. The vampiress would be simple: relatively dumb, incredibly hot, wearing almost nothing, and with no expectations of her man but drawn to him only by the smell of his gym bag. She wouldn't hold herself back from trying to bite her intended, but would get so distracted with his bedroom technique that she would never get around to it.

We would laugh at such a book (in fact, we know it would never be a book since men don't read; it would be a movie, and it would be a smash summer hit called American Vam-Pie-er, I'll start the screenplay right away). Somehow, when this story is told in a similarly indulgent female-centric vein, we don't reject it, but sympathize with it. I believe this is because women get to indulge in their fantasies so rarely outside of Jane Austen novels while men are surrounded with theirs. So far I have yet see spam email inviting one to "read hot things devoted husbands would say to their wives" or "see pictures of hunks promising not to get nasty out of respect for their women" or "buy this purple pill so you can stay up late and share your feelings -- seven times in one night!." So hats off to Stephenie Meyer for figuring out what it is that women really want and giving it to them. ...less

Pt. 3 Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk VS The Über-Everything Theme Parks

I already stated in part 2 that I prefer the SCBB to all the bigger theme parks. Here are my reasons:

1. The Beach!!! - The Boardwalk is literally next to the beach. What is better than being next to the beach? Nothing. After riding the rides all morning and early afternoon, we changed things up by getting into our bathing suits and going to the beach for a couple of hours. I body surfed for the first time in 20 years!!! More on that later - maybe. Colton, who came from Denver, Colorado to stay with Marv and Joanie, swam in the ocean for the very first time ever (he didn't like its saltiness). At what other park could you do this? None of them. After having fun in the water for a couple hours, we changed back into our clothes and went back for more rides and stuff on the boardwalk. Unfortunately, I did have salt water hair. But I just bought a hat, put my hair in a ponytail, and called it good.

2. Good music - I notice what music is playing where ever I go and take mental notes. I love to be surprised by a song I love. This happened all day at the Boardwalk. Mostly they played classic soul and classic rock, which is perfect for a beach side amusement park. I was singing along to songs all day to myself. What was almost as fun as the great music, was that the entire day long I didn't once hear Hannah Montana, The Jonas Brothers, High School Musical, Camp Rock, etc. - I guess I did hear Rihanna once though. But I can make some small allowances for not playing any Disney produced songs.

3. Cost - there is no entrance fee to the boardwalk. You simply buy either an unlimited ride pass, or ride tickets if you only plan on doing a couple rides. This is unlike the other places where you have to pay $50 or more to enter the park, but may never actually ride the rides. The unlimited ride pass was $25 I think.

4. Better food- anyone who's ever been to Disneyland or the other big parks, can testify that the food sucks and is UBER-expensive. It's safe to say that you're probably not going to get a great deal at any amusement park on food, but the SCBB has a variety of food vendors, and some of them are actually good. They have a lot of what you would find at a fair, which is usually much better than what you have to buy at the big places. Also, at the SCBB, you can actually just walk across the street and eat at any number of little food establishments, or bring whatever food you want to in a cooler, and have lunch at the beach, or even on the boardwalk.

5. Close parking - at the SCBB, you need not walk a mile to catch a tram that will drop you a half a mile from the park entrance. The parking is close, which makes it easy to leave stuff in the car you might want later, but don't don't want to put in a locker.

6. No Disney souvenirs or cartoon themed rides - well I guess there are cartoon theme rides, but what I mean is that the SCBB doesn't seem to be sponsored by Disney, Nickoldeon or Warner Bros.. There's only so much Disney, Nickelodeon, etc., stuff I can take. I'm not anti-Disney, but it sure was nice to not have all the souvenir stands pushing Disney in our faces at every turn. The merchandise was mostly geared around beachy items, which is so much better than the ubiquitous Disney Princesses, High School Musical, Hannah Montana, Camp Rock, Dora, blah blah blah (I left Spongebob out because I love him) cheapy stuff they usually have at such places. Oh, the stuff is still cheapy, but it's beachy cheapy.

7. Everything is very close together! - like a traveling carnival or fair, but not hastily put together by traveling crack heads. They have all the classic old school carnival rides, but also plenty of thrill rides for people like Ella who will ride ANYTHING! Even rides put together by crack heads if she were allowed to. Everyone was satisfied, and we didn't have to walk 1,000 miles to do it all.

8. And lastly, the SCBB is close to Monterey, which is close to Carmel, which is not that far from Big Sur. How can you go wrong with that?

9. Our kids have also decided it's their favorite place, without me having to do any of my usual brainwashing.

I'm not even getting paid for this ad - can you believe it? And if you made it this far and actually read this entire post, you're invited to come with us next summer :)

Behold Our Glorious Smoke Free Clear Skies

For three entire days now! Oh the Joy

Today - beautiful art work at our new park on Steamboat

Aug 1st, aaaaahhhhh - I'd forgotten what it was like to see clearly

Part 3 still to come...

Team Jacob

Every one's Twilight blog countdowns have expired - which means the new Twilight book is in bookstores now! I know exactly what most of the ladies in my ward, and in all of Mormondom for that matter, are doing at this moment. They are finally finding out what Bella's power is, and if she makes the transformation to vegan vampire in order to spend eternity with Edward. Well, she wouldn't really be a vegan, as she would suck the blood of animals, but a vampire who abstains from human blood is akin to being a vegan in my book. Wait, I guess she would have to transform before having her new power, so I got that backwards.

But, on this day of Twilight madness, I just want to say "Go Team Jacob". I think I was the founder (and only member) of Team Victoria while reading book three. Yes, I wanted Bella to be put out of her misery. But unfortunately, it was Victoria who bit the dust. So now I'm left with Jacob. I really do actually love Jacob, and anyone who says he's just using Bella is a liar and a fool ;-) Edward is nauseating. There, I said it (I've actually said it before, but now I'm saying it on my blog :) This may possibly make me friendless at church tomorrow, but so be it... people at church will have to be nice to me, per the commandments. So, I'm saying my peace about the Twilight series, which I dislike. But keep an eye out for my book review, because of course I'm going to read it :)

Santa Cruz Pt. 3 tomorrow - I think. We're going to Josie's summer blow out pool party at my sister's today. Yay for pool parties! P.S. Welcome home from girl's camp Ella, ILY! Hope you had fun!!!

Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk Pt. 2 - The Pics

Part 3 (that's right, I'm not quite finished yet) will be my reasons why the Boardwalk is preferable to Disneyland, Six Flags Marine World, Great America, and all other über-large and über-themed out amusement parks. But until then, here are the pics.