Shoplifting 101 - A Lesson For The Distracted Person

Because I am constantly in deep thought, coming up with solutions to today's most perplexing problems, like how to achieve world peace and economic security in this century's global economy, or pondering important issues like Star Magazine's 46 Best & Worst Beach Bodies issue (on news stands now), I sometimes get distracted from the task at hand. Today for instance, I was thinking deeply about whether or not I should go to trouble of fixing up a saltwater fish tank that isn't that old, but is a real pain in the butt, or just getting a new smaller one that would be easier to maintain. This deep thinking caused me to actually shoplift a package of fish aquarium water filters from the Petco on South Virginia, next to Best Buy.

Stolen Item

It didn't occur to me that I had hot filters in my possession until after I was at home, had dismantled the top of the aquarium that I was thinking of replacing and that was intended to receive the new filters, been distracted by seeing the Bio-Wheel that also needed replacing and shopped for one online, discovered the aquarium light had burned out, melting its plastic protective shield, and then talked to Matt about maybe getting a smaller, freshwater aquarium that wasn't so much work. It was at this point that I held up said hot filters, and realized I had no memory of buying them. I didn't bring them into the house in a bag, and I didn't have a receipt. At Petco, I had spoken for about 10 minutes to a salesperson after picking them up, and left immediately after our conversion, in which she informed me that I needed to order a new Bio-Wheel online. Apparently I was thinking deeply about the Bio-Wheel, and forgot to pay! Surely this is a good reason for shoplifting!

Keeping a package of fish aquarium filters that I'm not even gonna use (I did indeed decide to go with something smaller and easier) isn't at all tempting though. So my dilemma now is how to return them. I'm torn between two options. One, risking embarrassment by just handing it over to an employee and telling him/her of my lameness, or two, sneaking it out of my purse and back onto the shelf, risking possibly being mistaken as a shoplifter. I'll probably go with the second option to keep myself from looking like a dork, so if you see my name and perp photo in the paper Thursday, please refer the authorities to this post. But if you don't see me in the paper, I may be feeling a little giddy about my new found skillz, so give me a call if you need anything lifted - we can negotiate my cut.